As a soon to be "former" transition mentor - How to be happy in new surroundings, and generally

I have worked twice as a transition mentor, which is a role I undertook for the sheer enjoyment of it. While it was a paid role, the actual remuneration was minimal - paying less than my bread-money job in a coffee shop. I consider myself to be richer in other ways - experience and enjoyment count for a lot!

I thought I would share some of the welfare wisdom I have learned in this role with you  - it applies to life, as well as to freshers.

1. Plan everything early to save time later.
Essays, shopping - everything can be made more efficient by a small amount of prior thought. You'll save money and stress later.

2. Socialise.
Your friends and family are the most important tools you have to get through anything in life.

3. A small apology goes a long way - even when the mistake is big.

4. When the apology is not forthcoming - take the moral high ground and move on.
After all, you get the best view from which to launch your projectile. (I'm just kidding!)

5. Press this button, and regularly.

6. Be kind to yourself.
Eat that cake, you deserve it dammit.

7. (For languages students). SIT DOWN AND LEARN YOUR VOCABULARY.

8. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh, but who know when to stop and listen to what you've got to say.

9. Avoid those who will deliberately seek to cut you down at every opportunity.
You are worth more than that. While we all disagree on things from time to time, when someone continually refuses to see your point of view, who is deliberately pedantic to the point where you can spend no more than an hour with them without conjuring up ways in your head to mute them permanently, it's time to have a break.

10. Listen to your favourite music. Daily.

11. Embrace others' cultures and lifestyle choices. You might learn something.
(I should really do better at this).

12. Some things are not a lifestyle choice. Again, you may learn something.

13. Superstition does not work when it comes to exams. Lucky socks will not get you that First.

Which is why I am deliberately leaving this on number #13.

Let the carnage begin.

A moment of self indulgence and introduction

I run the risk of this being the continuing theme with all of these blogs, but nevertheless we continue.

For those of you new to my work, you may wish to check out my previous blog, the rather embarrassingly titled "Frussian Lit", which I wrote during my year abroad, and despite such a heinous title, won an international award as the Top Travel Blog of 2013. I say international as people around the world voted for it. I don't know what else to call that. 

I'll introduce myself properly. 

My name is Felicity. I am a final year undergraduate of French and Russian at University College London. People ask me all the time if I am fluent in both of those languages, which is a very difficult question to answer in relation to French. (Russian is a definite "no"). By most people's standards, the answer is probably yes - I survived my time out there with few linguistic hitches. If you were to ask any of my professors, they'd probably answer politely but vaguely. I make silly mistakes, and lots of them - but I am working on it. 

That is the thing with languages at University level - there is always more work you can do. Essays excluded (and even then, not entirely), it is difficult to recall the last piece of work I finished satisfactorily. That is not to say I leave my work unfinished, far from it. The fact is that, as pretentious as this will sound, languages are nothing more than a means to an end. They are works of art that can be interpreted and delivered in a number of ways. This is especially the case with translation work. As such, one develops many ways of thinking laterally, as well as developing a close attention to detail. Theoretically.

I do feel like I have developed more faith in my convictions and the ability to think things through since starting university. This is both good and bad. I used to be afraid to say boo to a goose and tried to find a way to agree with and get on with everyone. I still do this, but it has become more apparent to me now that I can actively say that I disagree with someone - and think more clearly as to why. Perhaps this comes with age, but certainly university has taught me more about myself and about how things work than I ever could have imagined, which makes my degree take on an additional dimension of value. (As if learning to speak two foreign languages at the 4th best university in the world - apparently - wasn't enough). 

This piece is self indulgent for reasons that are probably now apparent. I'll add to it now by saying that I have never been a particularly confident person. It's funny how self doubt plagues us. It is self doubt that stops the top footballer from scoring that goal, because self-rejection is easier to handle than the rejection by another. Self doubt is what stops the teenage girl from applying for law at Oxford and leads her to choose a less competitive degree path.

We feel sometimes as though there is someone out there whose sole purpose in life is to list all of our faults and misgivings, and who will take pleasure in seizing the opportune moment to read them out when we are at our height, causing us to crash and burn. Or worse, they will read them out to everyone when we are already lying defeated on the floor, kicking us while we are down. The fact is, the person who has that list, is ourself. Only you will know about that time you poured milk all over Sophie when you were six years old, and only you will lie awake at night having had a bad day at work at twenty-five and tell yourself that "you were always destined to be a failure, you made her cry and spoilt the fun for everyone when you were six for goodness sake, no wonder you forgot to send that email"... or something along those lines. 

As such, you are the owner of this list. You are also at liberty to burn this list and, more importantly, at liberty to forgive yourself. You can accept your own apology. You can move forward and replace this list of misgivings with all the positive things that coexist with the negatives (which probably aren't that bad in the first place).

As it is, here is my list, and here is me forgiving myself.

1. I say the wrong thing far too often and give precisely the opposite impression to that which I want to give. Academically, I will give a garbled list of nouns and adjectives which my seminar tutor and peers will have to untangle and rephrase.

Personally, people sometimes don't realise I am joking, even when to me it is obvious. 

"Oh you're going to Spain on holiday? How traumatic for you"

"Actually my mother is Spanish"

"Oh but..."

and so on. 

2. Following the preamble to the list - I am far too focused on errors I have made through both action and inaction. 

"Sophie" is fictional, but the point still stands. I can't think of any particular errors that cause me to cringe terribly at this moment in time. Maybe you should instead ask me at about 1.35 tomorrow morning. 

3. Despite being in my final year and having successfully mentored two year groups through their first years at the same university, I still feel as though my university made a mistake in admitting me to their degree programme. This is irrespective of the fact I have achieved first class marks (in some modules), as well as other things. So it goes. I believe popular psychology calls it "impostor syndrome".

4. I am terrified of failing my degree. As in knee-bucklingly, sleep deprivingly petrified.

5. I am still about seventeen in my head. On the plus side, I am over fourteen, but still - a notable step back from my actual age... The thought of acting like a proper grown up terrifies me, despite the fact that many of my peers graduated this summer and are doing precisely that. University is my favourite place in the universe and it will cut me up to have to leave it, but not in the "up til 4am and stumble in still drunk to my lecture and the professor didn't even care" way that some students may have. Instead, I shall miss the liberty to find the nearest coffee shop and sit in it for hours doing my homework. I will miss the atmosphere of learning and progress that seeps from the walls. I will miss the ceaseless optimism for the future that exists on the other side of the walls. I will  miss the constant desire for improvement and enlightenment. I think this means I have to do a Masters....

As it is, my dear readers, you probably share these fears yourself. We are all, after all, human beings. Have I just described elements of that recurring ontological problem of the human condition? Highly likely. As per my previous post, we are not as unique as we think we are - which is both a comfort and a disappointment at the same time. 

I'll make a further confession: I have not stopped listening to Miley Cyrus' new album. It has to be one of the best produced records I have heard in a very long time. See point five of my list of failings, it is arguably related.

An open letter to those 20-somethings going through a 'quarter life crisis'

To my peers, friends and compatriots,

Life is scary, isn't it? We have spent the last twenty (plus) years of our lives having our every whim catered to by those who cared about us: parents, grandparents, teachers and to an extent, universities. I say universities, having worked in the pastoral care side of things, which is a job I love, but at the worst of times is an exercise in 'herding kittens'. (I feel I am at liberty to say this, as it was a phrase used by one of said kittens and I use it with affection). 

We come to the end of our university careers having spent three years in a bubble where it doesn't matter (much) if you make a mistake on an assignment. You might get a grade you're disappointed with, but no one died, you didn't lose your job, you didn't have your wages cut. Of course, while no one gave you a gold star like in infant school, nevertheless your efforts were often rewarded and you were occasionally made to feel as if you were right at the top. 

You may well have been right at the top. The top of your particular cohort, which means anything from the top of a group of ten, or the top of a group of 250 students. Take from that what you will. However, it is all too easy to forget that there are over one hundred higher education establishments in the UK.  In which there are many cohorts of students. Some of whom are also at the top. So while you may be at the top, you are one of many. Possibly one of several thousand. While we cannot overlook the fact that tens of thousands of students attend university every year, and as such, you are one of the better ones; it cannot be escaped that there are many people who are just as good, if not better, than you.

The issue here is perspective, and perspective in relation to a number of issues. 

Firstly, degree classification and what it actually translates to in the real world.

Some people perceive anything below a First class as a "failing grade", whereas some people will be grateful just to not get a 2:2. Others will be grateful to not get a third. Other will be grateful for a third. We often forget that there is a class below this still, called an Ordinary Degree, as opposed to an Honours Degree. It is still a degree, but where not all of the requirements have been fulfilled (often due to serious illness on the part of the candidate at the time of assessment). 

The fact is that I have seen only one graduate recruiter who has required a first class degree as a minimum standard, purely because they are a company based on data and results, rather than based on client facing skills. This is not to say that people with First class degrees have no social skills, which would be utterly inaccurate -- we must commend such lucky people on their stunning work ethics, their commitment, intelligence and dedication. What I am saying, however, is that this is not the only thing that is important in life.

Employers recognise this, but they still want candidates who have proven they can adapt to challenges and have the capacity to learn and work hard, which is why a lot of them set their minimum requirements to be at a 2:1 or 2:2 classification in a degree. But once again, the degree is not the be-all and end-all. A degree grinds down to being a piece of paper to certify that a candidate has studied a certain subject for a few years and has passed a couple of exams and written some stuff about it. That is all. Just because you have a degree does not *automatically* qualify you to have a job, (architecture, medicine and dentistry excluded, of course). Even a law degree still only allows a person to bypass the first stage of qualification, a situation that can be rectified by doing a postgraduate law conversion, after which point, trainees are on the same playing field. As such then, why worry? Work hard, but only because it benefits you. Don't try and please anyone else, or you're setting yourself up to lose that battle. Forget your parents' disappointment and pressure for half a second and study whatever you want. Don't let your parents try and live their lives through you.

Secondly, there is an issue with the perspective of time. Let's say you have been on this planet for 20 years. If we say the UK life expectancy is now 80, based on the last data published in 2011 stating 80.75 (maths is not my strong point so for the sake of my looking less of an idiot we shall round down), we can say that you have been on this planet for a quarter of your life. You will perhaps all graduate by the time you are 23, taking into account pre-university gap years and years abroad. The UK retirement age is pushing 67 these days, which gives us a difference of 44 years. This is double (more or less) the time you have already spent on this planet, and it is yours to play with. 

So who is to say there is any reason to rush into a career, that you will spend all of your adult life working at? I have heard the argument "but I want to have kids at 30". Great. That's fine. But taking a year out after university to try some new things and discover  yourself will not affect the progression of your life so significantly that you have to risk all of your future happiness in order to pursue "what you think you want".You won't even be 25 by the time such a year is over. Get a grip and stop rushing into stuff. Frankly, you'll have more to bring to the table and people will take you more seriously due to your age and maturity than if you rushed into something and tried to play with the big boys too soon. 

You could say "but I need money". Sure we all do. I need money. Your mum needs money. But how much do you really need? Enough to pay rent, utilities and food. You don't need to be making megabucks to sustain a quality of life. There is no shame in working menial jobs to earn some bread money. If anything, you will be better served in a career later on if you have worked in such a job, as it teaches you soft skills that you will need in any career. My first waitressing job earned me £15 when I was 14 and I took up my first part time job at 16. I currently work in a coffee shop in between lectures and library sessions. No one has ever looked down their nose at me and said "Oh, but how will that help you progress in your career as an accountant". The fact is because there is an extensive list of ways in which it will help me do any job I want, because I work hard, I can deal with anybody (staff, customer, complainer, complimenter) and with confidence. That and I can make a half decent cup of tea, so I'd be an ideal intern! Such a job has also taught me how to take everything on the chin and to never turn my nose up at anything. I used to clean the toilets in my last job. We don't have toilets to clean at this one, but I would clean them if I had to. Suck it up and do it, even if it won't make you a CEO by 25.

You are but a newborn in the corporate world, even if you have had it rhapsodised to you for the last few years that "you are a grown-up now". Sure you are, but so is everyone else. It doesn't make you any more special. Instead, you must act like the newborn that you are and learn, develop and grow as a person. Everything in life is a learning curve and you cannot rush it. Let us not run before we can walk. Let us instead enjoy the moment, and stick two fingers up to those who try and make us rush into decisions that will affect our daily lives. Let us instead prioritise our own happiness, and only become a part of the sea of suits inching its way out of Bank station when we are entirely ready for it -- whether that is as soon as you graduate, or never. The corporate world can only benefit.

Wishing you all the luck in the world,

Better late than never

Hello all,

So I have finally had a spare moment to sit down and bag this domain address before someone else got there. What a relief. Only two months late, it's hardly worth even paying attention to. 

So I've been hugely busy of late. I have got through the first half of the first term in my final year at university, which has been full-on to say the least. Working two jobs while being a joint honours student is a challenge especially when you're doing two languages. The toughest thing is maintaining a work/life balance that's for sure. I don't currently have much of one, hence the rather bitter tone to this piece.

It wouldn't be so bad but I am supposedly going to graduate in June, and then I have to face this big old thing called "the real world". I think everyone's feeling the pressure at the moment, which is a comfort to know I am not alone, if nothing else. Somehow I'm meant to act like a grown up amidst all of this, take everything on the chin and get a Big Girl Job. This is proving tricky. I know sort of what I want to do (family law), and I feel like I'd do OK at it after a while, but goodness knows the process of going about it is giving me the heebie-jeebies. 

I've just received a 2:1 in my essentially-Dissertation, even though god knows I put in enough work to be deserving of a first. I think I'm just about recovered from ,my 3 month stint of being constantly under the influence of caffeine. 

Basically, I am rather terrified that I will fail my degree despite this, I will never get a job, and will instead die alone and be eaten by Alsatians. I strongly suspect I may be Bridget Jones.